I am so freaking nervous about this marathon! It's supposed to be rain/snow and 39 on Sunday. I mean, really?! When I left work this morning that was the exact weather outside and it was COLD. I am so afraid of letting Brienna down ... I doubt myself and my ability to finish the race and am so totally in my own head that it's bad.
UPDATE: I went shopping today and bought myself some rain gear. I'm feeling a bit better. I so want to finish this marathon. Gone are my lofty time goals. Crossing that finish line is enough for me. I just want to run a good race and do it for Brienna. I cannot let her down. There is so little I can do for her ... any chance I get to do something, anything for her makes me happy. I miss her :( So much it hurts. I sobbed and sobbed last night. P held me and then I felt better. This just never gets easy. My baby is gone. Did this really happen to me?! It couldn't have, I can't survive something like this! It's horrible, the worst thing that could ever happen. Something like that would ruin my marriage. Yet here I am. Stronger. With a better marriage than I could have hoped. About to run my first marathon ever, (hopefully) fulfilling a life long dream. Thank you Brienna. Because of you, this is all possible. I love you and miss you so much ...
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Marathon Mama
I am set to run my first ever marathon next weekend. I can't wait and yet I'm petrified at the same time! Here's how it came to be:
One of the things I missed most while pregnant was running. I had a love/hate relationship with it prior to that point though ... it was something I enjoyed, but I always ended up injuring myself. I ran track in high school (the 100, not long distances!) and ran in college to stay in shape but ended up with ITBS. Despite having surgery to try and correct it, I constantly had problems with it and was sidelined any time I ran over 4 miles. Regardless, I missed it when I was pregnant and started up shortly after Brienna was born and my lady bits could tolerate it - they throbbed for about 3 months and to this day, throb when I have my period and after a long run ... the things they don't tell you about having a baby!
My sister and I decided to train for the Seacoast Half Marathon in Novemeber. I started increasing my mileage sloooowly and found that I was okay. I ordered a Patt Strap for my ITB and whether it was mental or not, it worked! I ran the race injury free and loved every minute of it. We ran in memory of Brienna - had t-shirts made, fans to cheer us on and everything. It was awesome. I knew the minute I finished that I wanted to run another one and maybe even a marathon.
I started pseudo-training for the Hyannis Marathon and fully committed to running it in December, when a friend of ours told P he had signed up too. I totally slacked off on the weekly runs, but faithfully did my long runs every week and surprised myself by being able to do them with relative ease. It's strangely addicting, despite the fact that most of them were on the freaking treadmill. Never again will I run 20 miles on one machine - ugh. But, I did it, even when it felt hard. And I found that I can run faster than I ever thought. I ran the half at a 9:46 pace, beating my goal of a 10:00 min/mile pace. I thought that was as fast as I could get, but started doing my short runs even faster ... just on Wednesday, I did 7 miles in 62:10 - an 8:53 pace!!
I'm hoping to run the marathon at about a 10:00 pace. My true goal is just to finish, but I'm wicked competitive with myself and really want to break 4:30 (about a 10:15 pace) ... my next marathon though, I want to train much smarter and run much faster. I truly owe it all to Brienna. I never thought I could run a marathon. It had always been a goal of mine, but never did I think I could actually do it. (And I haven't yet, but I'm hopeful!) Every time it felt hard, I reminded myself that I held Brienna for more time than I'll be running for. And I would give anything to have that time back, so I can certainly run for less time ... it motivates me every time :)
So, that's why I decided to run a marathon. And now I'm toying with the idea of running 1000 miles. I read the blog of another girl who set out to run 400 miles in 2009, and I decided I wanted to up it. And I couldn't stop thinking of that song, "I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more ..." and decided that I would RUN 500 miles and then RUN 500 more. To do it all in one year is going to be about 2o miles/week which is a stretch. So I'm thinking maybe 500 miles in 2010 and 500 miles in 2011. We'll see. But I really want to try. And I hope I don't let Brienna down!!
One of the things I missed most while pregnant was running. I had a love/hate relationship with it prior to that point though ... it was something I enjoyed, but I always ended up injuring myself. I ran track in high school (the 100, not long distances!) and ran in college to stay in shape but ended up with ITBS. Despite having surgery to try and correct it, I constantly had problems with it and was sidelined any time I ran over 4 miles. Regardless, I missed it when I was pregnant and started up shortly after Brienna was born and my lady bits could tolerate it - they throbbed for about 3 months and to this day, throb when I have my period and after a long run ... the things they don't tell you about having a baby!
My sister and I decided to train for the Seacoast Half Marathon in Novemeber. I started increasing my mileage sloooowly and found that I was okay. I ordered a Patt Strap for my ITB and whether it was mental or not, it worked! I ran the race injury free and loved every minute of it. We ran in memory of Brienna - had t-shirts made, fans to cheer us on and everything. It was awesome. I knew the minute I finished that I wanted to run another one and maybe even a marathon.
I started pseudo-training for the Hyannis Marathon and fully committed to running it in December, when a friend of ours told P he had signed up too. I totally slacked off on the weekly runs, but faithfully did my long runs every week and surprised myself by being able to do them with relative ease. It's strangely addicting, despite the fact that most of them were on the freaking treadmill. Never again will I run 20 miles on one machine - ugh. But, I did it, even when it felt hard. And I found that I can run faster than I ever thought. I ran the half at a 9:46 pace, beating my goal of a 10:00 min/mile pace. I thought that was as fast as I could get, but started doing my short runs even faster ... just on Wednesday, I did 7 miles in 62:10 - an 8:53 pace!!
I'm hoping to run the marathon at about a 10:00 pace. My true goal is just to finish, but I'm wicked competitive with myself and really want to break 4:30 (about a 10:15 pace) ... my next marathon though, I want to train much smarter and run much faster. I truly owe it all to Brienna. I never thought I could run a marathon. It had always been a goal of mine, but never did I think I could actually do it. (And I haven't yet, but I'm hopeful!) Every time it felt hard, I reminded myself that I held Brienna for more time than I'll be running for. And I would give anything to have that time back, so I can certainly run for less time ... it motivates me every time :)
So, that's why I decided to run a marathon. And now I'm toying with the idea of running 1000 miles. I read the blog of another girl who set out to run 400 miles in 2009, and I decided I wanted to up it. And I couldn't stop thinking of that song, "I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more ..." and decided that I would RUN 500 miles and then RUN 500 more. To do it all in one year is going to be about 2o miles/week which is a stretch. So I'm thinking maybe 500 miles in 2010 and 500 miles in 2011. We'll see. But I really want to try. And I hope I don't let Brienna down!!
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